Born into a large family, although small compared to the region I’m from, raised by a single mother, detached yet close to my siblings. Never stayed in one place for too long, hence I always see myself as a contemporary nomad, moving from place to place as the wind changes, as if running away from life. I learnt from a young age not to put down deep roots in a specific place, life is in the people although you get burned by the ones closest to you if you are not careful. The world and people change fast around us, sometimes we have the naïve thought that we can change the destiny of a city but that’s just false hope, the only destiny we can change is our own.
If my life doesn’t get fucked up once every month I start getting worried!! If that in itself isn’t fucked up I don’t know what is. I try and lay low from the world sometimes, putting up a wall sheltering myself from the bad that happens around so I don’t feel. I sometimes need to be numb, it’s the way I use to cope growing up; I have gotten it down to a science, so much so that I have been accused of being cold, a person who does not feel and is selfish. I have only been accused of being selfish only once in my life, accused by a near and dear person to my heart, I never want to feel what I felt on that day.
After that incident I have always been on the defensive attacking my position in that person’s mind showing them why I am the way I am. If it wasn’t for my past, for all the things I have been through in my life I would not be this way. I use to think I will just barely graduate high school and not go to university, n then sometimes I use to think, no; I will do something with my life. I will change the paths of the ones who came before me and write a new history, create a new path for my own. I made a promise to myself that that is what I will do.
During my senior year in high school is when I decided I would go to university, one of the newest universities in the country at the time. It was a dilemma choosing where to go and what I would study, but I finally found the right place, and I thank god everyday that I enrolled in that university, and chose to study, art photography and art history. Everyone I told about my major use to tell me the exact same phrase: “What are you going to do with your life with this degree?” Again I found myself defending my choice, defending art, the fact that art is in everything we see, it is even in our godly creation. The world is gods’ canvas. The world is art, so why not express ourselves through it?
My mother is my backbone, no matter what happens to me I know she is the person that will keep me standing tall. Even though she was skeptical of my choice of study, she stood behind me supporting my every step. My strength and endurance comes from her, and I am proud to have been raised by her. I shouldn’t complain about my life when I see all that she has endured; it keeps me grounded.
After four years of studying what I wanted in University graduating with honors; now looking back I can proudly say I have done it. It was such a hard and bumpy road, but I succeeded. Not only have I graduated but I have also gotten job offers I have never dreamt of getting. Everything I have went through, all the hardships have lead to this moment, I would not change one bit of it for the world.
Today after university comes another path I have to carve out for myself, breaking down the typical stereotype of a woman can’t be doing this or that. This is where I harness my rebellious side, where I use it for the better, instead of going towards the wrong path, which I could have done. Thankfully I used my mind directing myself towards a hopefully better future.
I started thinking and writing this after getting to know a little bit more about someone, who was curious about me, and what I do and what I like, It got me thinking about why I am the way I am… And that’s why you are all reading this…
My name is Honest, and this is a small window into my world.
