I still feel....

I still feel...., originally uploaded by * Honest *.

Tonight I feel a void. I have been left over and over. I'm use to it though. Emotionally I've never been stable; always on a roller coaster ride. Happiness and anger fight like darkness overwhelming the light. My own voice echoes back as I call out in the dark silent room. The fear of the surrounding silence is chilling. It’s a familiar silence, too familiar, too close to home. I've been left too many times by people in my life to even feel it anymore.

A question was raised: "Do you enjoy pain?" and I begin to wonder; have I built a wall so high that I hide my sorrow even from myself? Numbed by the beatings of time; it's good to see my emotions through word and imagery, without them, how would I know my inner thoughts? It feels like another soul exists within me; it is a part of me and reveals itself when I go into a trance. The result is the release of emotions which are not recognized by my "normal self" until all the emotions have left the body and are born into something tangible. They haunt me at bedtime, the moment I shut my eyes complex thoughts flutter beneath my eyelids creating a wave of dreams I cannot awaken myself from.

- Extract from an 8 page very long ramble of mine