Art & self Experimentation..

I chose to do a project dealing with the self and identity, its one of the hardest projects I have ever attempted. It is the first time that i have ever done work for univercity using myself, and probably the first time i paint myself. There is something about confronting one's self in a painting that i find scary, that is probably why most of my imagery in the paintings is distorted, so i am not that "exposed" on the canvas, still leaving that edge of mystery. I am working in a new way which i hope will help me discover a new way of working and within that i am sure i will discover things about myslef which have not known befor.

I usually create work related to cultural background for example "Africa" I have researched it for many years and have created work to go with it. Of course it was hard work but I could go step by step through everything and the outcomes would link to the research i have done, yet i am usualy never satisfied with the outcome. I always think.. i could do better.. I don't know if that is a good thing or not? it probably is since it makes me want to create something better each time.

Now that I have looked inward or should I say trying to look into myself to create some interesting visuals, everything was dark. Everything was blank; there are so many levels to explore to talk about. This could be a lifelong project, but do I really want to do this forever?

I have always questioned the reason I got into art in the first place, but the more I explore the more I am sure that I am made for this. For example, everywhere I go I have to have my camera with me or if I forget it, it’s always in the back of my mind. I observe everything from nature to people to human behaviors and try my best to implement the emotions into the work. That usually comes natural for me. If I don’t have my camera from time to time I have to sketch or paint something, it’s somewhat cathartic.

Right now I am thinking of creating a triptych of paintings merging text and imagery together to show the inner workings of my mind, not only showing the surface. In fact, even though I am photographing my exterior I am exposing my interior through the images. I am finding it a strange experience which gets frustrating from time to time, this exploration of the self had to come sometime. The imagery is of a person "enclosed" within themselves perhaps reflecting the trauma that has occurred in their life, using vibrant red in the background with drips of extremely dark brown almost black on top creating a barrier between the viewer and the person in the painting. This reflects the character of the person in the piece, reflecting that she has a shield between people always having her guards up so as not to be hurt again.

Thought of the day: - Some people truly know themselves and some don't, yet they both always can discover something new and interesting about them self that they never knew before.